i will arise

night after night i die

continual cycle of rebirth

the usual bullshit

tonight i will arise

walking in paces in the snow

following my shadows inquiries

written in the lamposts alongside my life

wondering what i just walked out of

tonight i will arise

it's cold outside

and i'm asking; should i decide

live or die, walk or ride

do these things define me

my words make me mean everything

make me mean nothing

the usual bullshit

tonight i will arise

wake up to today's new obsession. shining in your face with emerald eyes and an echo beside the conceptual love. breaking apart in the dark. living a cliche. living a love. without love. without the thousands of things i scraped from the surface of everything. caked like blood beneath my fingernails. rocking to a beat i didn't conceive. grieving the losses i never fathered. is everything you see in the black and white i lied down beside? everything in peaceful little lies. everything held up against your chest. crushing your lungs. the weight of your decisions. the weight of who you pretend to be. breaking hearts in the dark. you're a cliche.

writing paragraphs backward. watching ink pool in the dips of the curves of your body. casting graffiti into cement. carving cement into snow. caring not for proprieties. for love. for love. for love.

i watch you throw yourself from the sky. i watch you throw yourself from my eyes. i watch you hide yourself beneath and away. i watch myself grow into life.

Speak.

let me Speak.

i'm looking only to drown you from my mind

ripping skin from bone

burning myself with headphones and ink pens

i want to lie to you

tell you i know who i am

tell you i know who we are

tell you i know who we were

tell you anything to wake you up

i want to lie to you

i want to Speak.

and i swore i'd not speak word again

there's nothing i can't learn

that i haven't from a thousand poems

scribbled in memories and blood

scribbled in insignificance

scribbled in the fact that i'm looking at everything

with glass eyes

with glass lips

with glass skin

someday i will remember

someday i will remember

someday i will remember

someday i will remember

someday i will remember

someday i will remember who i am

someday i will Speak.

i'm waiting for three things to reach me

reach me and teach me lessons i learned to love

i loved to lie down and lie to you

to lie about and around my mind behind my eyes

behind my eyes, i'm dying to hear you talk

hear you talk to the world and the moon

the moon i learned to pray to

pray to the love i once lived

lived in livid dreams born beautiful and lackluster

lacking lucidity

lucid is just a word

a word that means nothing

nothing that means anything

to me

i don't believe in words

i don't believe in love

i don't believe in dreams

i believe in me

the gods i built up

the deities to whom i pray

i believe in my mind

my mind alone

i'm 20 minutes late

i really couldn't give less of a fuck

and if i had a million words to lay out

to write out

to give out

to give in

i'd probably not give it away

figuring i couldn't save it for a passing minute

pushing idealism in a irish accent

counting on 20 fingers

136 toes

a million and a half statements of how little i love

care

people

definition

belief

causes and metaphors

your dedication astounds me as i walk out

into the saving grace of the cereal box

it's all about personality

it's all about your burns

it's all about your methods

i'm 20 minutes late

you're going to have to wait

i am a spray-painted imprint of love

and what once was

integrated with everything at once

it's strange strange estranged and only

alive to try and die

get it all because you want it all

show me love

show me what you got

synchronized and deep in syndication

moving in circuits between your eyes

give me your sins

give me your ins and outs

give me love

give me what you got

get it, give it away

run this way and that

run, run for me, run for shame

shaking about like a hurricane

if you were alive

what would you say

if only you were sane

give it up

give it to me

give it to burn away

put me up to be a silhouette of love